I'm sorry to hear that—raising two teenage boys can be really challenging. I grew up with a younger brother, so I understand some of the dynamics. My mother, however, had support from family and community members, like uncles, older neighbors, and family friends, who would step in when we needed guidance.
Teenage boys are unique, especially with the high levels of testosterone and their still-developing prefrontal cortex, which affects their impulse control and decision-making. Historically, boys at this age were often introduced to environments like the army or sports teams, which provided structured male hierarchy and channeled their energy and aggression constructively. Physical exertion can be a healthy outlet for boys, which is different from what girls might need at that age. Due to estrogen, girls often have a natural need to bond and form social friendships, attract male attention by making themselves look appealing, and work toward becoming well-integrated members of society.
The reality is that boys won’t respond or behave in the same ways you might have growing up. As they mature, their prefrontal cortex will help them make calmer and more rational decisions, but for now, they’re navigating a phase driven largely by hormones. Alex and Matthew are in a period of intense energy and emotion. This same drive can make them courageous and motivated—or, if not guided properly, it could lead to trouble.
Your role, and the role of society, is to help them direct this natural energy positively. It’s unrealistic to expect boys to act like girls; they have different needs and tendencies. With the right support, though, this same intensity can lead to growth, resilience, and even leadership.
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