Who Am I _ Original

Who am I? It's a tough one to answer, but in a sentence, I like this quirky take - I am Asian Indian in this immigrated country, USA, where I am neither. Yet, I love this land—it has shaped me in ways that make me who I am today. Professionally, I am a lifelong learner. Though now in my 50s, I sometimes wonder, professionally being in software - Did I sign up for too much?

By nature, I am inquisitive and seek new adventures, among them, getting to know people. I love cultures knowing a few languages and living in different countries and that too in multiple places in both of them has been a blessing in disguise. At heart, I am still a vagabond,  (or as we say in Bengali, a "Jajabor"). Recently, however, my constant wandering/wanderlust has been paused due to family obligations. Yet, I foresee changes on the horizon - soon! Food, travel, books, documentaries, music, and movies are close to my heart. I enjoy staying active through walks, gym, table tennis, or yoga. Meditation keeps me grounded, and lately, I’ve been diving into theology, particularly Buddhism and the Bhagavad Gita. Professionally, I’m an IT nerd, though I sometimes wish I had a more outdoorsy job.

My childhood in India was fun. Originally from the Nawabi Lucknow region, I consider myself culturally Bengali (Bong) as I grew up in Calcutta. I grew up in a traditional family, interspersed every few years with some traditional marriage in UP or Bihar or long summers up there and then back to Calcutta. The 80s and 90s South Calcutta's bourgeois middle-class life - with a heavy Marxist undercurrent, shaped my formative years. Durga Puja, movies (Satyajit Ray/Nandan), music (traditional and Bollywood), and studies (School/Science/College Street) all played a part in my upbringing. This was followed by idyllic Goa, Goa became my intellectual awakening, where I spent over half a decade, earned my first master's degree, and began my career. This was followed by my second Masters in Syracuse and as I frame it - where I was reborn into this other democracy. The largest democracy, India suplemented by the strongest Democracy, the USA. A place where everything is polar opposite to Socalistic/non-individualistic/traditionalistic India.  As I would say the two countries are separated by a common democracy.

For the Psychologically inclined, I am an ENTJ Type.

Relationship-wise, I am divorced but happily co-parenting a kid who always challenges and reminds me why the few pounds between her ears, is the most intriguing and esoteric substance known to humans. The icing on the cake, she is at the best age for a parent. Old enough to show her future maturity but soon in a jiffy shows that she is still an adorable child.

Is Equality Just a Mental Figment When the Power Law is the Only Law in Nature?

Was my fundamental belief in equality misguided? Did my upbringing in the bourgeois, Marxist undercurrents of West Bengal lead me entirely astray?

For years, the ideological air I breathed suggested that equality was the ultimate goal, a moral baseline for humanity. But as I look at the world now, I have to ask: Is the staggering inequality we see around us actually a natural, unavoidable outcome of how human society—and even nature itself—functions?

Perhaps the systemic victim mentality we see in modern culture is simply a stubborn denial of these basic, harsh principles.

If you observe the universe, equality does not exist. Nature operates on the Power Law—the Pareto Principle, the 80/20 rule, the phenomenon where a tiny minority commands the vast majority of resources, impact, or excellence. Should we then view capitalism not as a corrupt human invention, but as the truest reflection of the natural order? A system where success is purely achieved through individual excellence, merit, and ruthless adaptation? After all, evolutionary biology tells us a cold truth: nature values efficiency and survival over human happiness.

The Architecture of Growth: Freud, Jung, and Pink Floyd

This tension between comfort and survival translates directly into human psychology and how we raise the next generation. Consider the ideological divide between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Freud argued that an overprotective mother’s love, while nurturing, ultimately fails a child when they face the brutal realities of real life. Jung, on the other hand, heavily emphasized the vital role of the father—the figure meant to break the child away from the safety of the maternal nest and push them toward independence, responsibility, and the harsh outer world.

This psychological dynamic resonates deeply with the haunting narrative of Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. The song is a masterful critique of emotional detachment—a warning against being sedated by safety and coddled away from pain.

As an older father I once met profoundly put it: You cannot be friends with your parents. There must be a boundary, a friction, a force that pushes you out of the comfort zone.

This brings up an uncomfortable, politically incorrect question: Is a child's ultimate failure in the real world largely due to the smothering influence of maternal overprotection?

It’s an observation as old as time. The eldest son, who often receives the most concentrated, unconditional maternal love, frequently turns out the most flimsy, fragile, and unequipped for hardship. Conversely, look at the eldest daughter. She often faces an inherent, psychological conflict with her mother. This friction creates a crucible; it gives her a raw adversity that drives her to fight, to prove herself, and to build an unshakeable resilience.

The point is clear: Adversity and inequality are the true prerequisites for advancement. Without them, the human spirit is lulled into a state of being "comfortably numb." This is precisely the reason why hungry, driven immigrants so often outperform native-born citizens who have been softened by generations of absolute security.

The Necessity of the Edge: Imposter Syndrome and Dangerous Living

When you understand that nature demands friction, your relationship with your own insecurities changes. Take Imposter Syndrome, for example.

Conventionally, modern psychology tells us that Imposter Syndrome is a mental affliction we need to cure or soothe. But I see it differently. You have to constantly work into Imposter Syndrome. That persistent, biting feeling that you aren’t good enough, that you don't belong in the room, is actually an internal barometer telling you that you are operating at your absolute limit. It is proof that you have stepped out of safety.

If you push this concept even further, you arrive at a dangerous but vital truth, especially for boys and men: Living on the edge of discomfort—and embracing a life that borders on the dangerous—is counterintuitively the path to a genuinely happier, fulfilled life. Men and boys are being systematically starved of the friction they need to grow. When you strip away risk, when you pathologize competition, and when you replace the Power Law with an artificial mandate of absolute equality, you emasculate the driving force of progress. Happiness does not come from the absence of struggle; it comes from the mastery of it.

To live safely is to atrophy. To step into the arena of the Power Law, to face the imposter within, and to court the danger of failure—that is where the figment of equality dies, and where true individual excellence begins.

Do you think our obsession with absolute equality is making us fragile? Are we coaching the necessary adversity out of the next generation? Let’s debate in the comments below.

Meaning of Some Famous Indian Lyrics

Chhaap Tilak Sab Chheeni

Abida Parveen and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, appeared on the Pakistani musical variety show Coke Studio. See Link only to hear 

Amir Khursu  - Wikipedia Link - 

 - https://www.ravimagazine.com/chaapp-tilak-sab-cheeni-hazrat-amir-khursus-timeless-masterpiece/

Thoughts on Young Boys

I'm reflecting on the challenges faced by young adults today. Having experienced my own struggles growing up, I can empathize. These challenges arise from major societal changes over the past 30 to 40 years as well as psychological differences between boys and girls. For many boys and men, expressing emotions can be complicated. Additionally, as job markets evolve to require higher education, girls often outperform boys academically. For example, more boys are diagnosed with ADHD compared to girls, and research suggests that girls’ prefrontal cortexes tend to develop about two years earlier, contributing to higher emotional intelligence. All these play huge role in academic success for girls compared to boys.

Over the past three to four decades, there have been significant changes in our work environment, yet many boys and men have not been adequately trained or made aware of these shifts. The patriarchal society that emerged after the agricultural age, which was running for the last 10,000 years has been transformed drastically in the blink of an eye and many people—both men and women—may not recognize these changes.

Incidentally, as a middle-aged man who has moved past the struggles of youth, I find this issue endearing. As I have a daughter I reflect on the challenges my daughter will face. I believe she will likely thrive in today’s society, especially in the U.S., where career opportunities for girl children abound. However, success doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness, particularly when it comes to finding a partner and building a family. For many women, these aspects of life often hold deeper significance than they do for men. So in a way, though career-wise females flourish, they might not do in other perspectives of life. This certainly can impact and is impacting current and future society. 

Diving a bit more into details

• In the 1970s, two-thirds of college graduates were men. That trend has flipped today. Today 2/3 of graduating students will be female. 
• Many manual jobs have diminished or been outsourced—jobs that societal norms traditionally encouraged men to pursue have diminished a lot outsourced outside of developed nations. 
• While women’s rights movements have made significant strides toward equality, particularly in developed nations and parts of the developing world, these changes have not always benefited men. Today, women in their thirties often earn about $1,000 more than men. As most jobs now require less manual labor, women’s participation in various fields, including those traditionally dominated by men, has increased dramatically. There are now more female fighter pilots than male teachers, in elemantry and over 70% of new entrants in higher education are women. Most departments have equal or more females than men in Colleges.
• While women’s rights are openly advocated for, men often struggle to voice their own needs. Many men find it challenging to seek support, and due to the long-standing prevalence of patriarchal norms and feminism, many women may not fully recognize or accept this reality. It’s important to acknowledge that both genders face unique challenges and that advocating for men's rights is a crucial part of fostering a more equitable society.
• Although circumstances have evolved, many women’s desire for hypergamy—seeking partners of equal or higher status—remains challenging to fulfill in today’s landscape. Particularly in their early thirties, many women find themselves outpacing men in terms of career success and stability, making it increasingly difficult to find partners who meet their expectations. 
• Neurodivergence is more prevalent among men than women, with studies suggesting that men exhibit a wider range of neurodivergent traits. As a result, conditions such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and ADHD are more commonly diagnosed in men. Unfortunately, today’s work environments are often not accommodating for neurodivergent individuals, making it particularly challenging for many men to find or maintain stable careers.

These factors contribute to frustration on both sides. Men have been conditioned to support others but may struggle to mature emotionally or educationally. Entering today’s job market is challenging, as most positions require specialization—gone are the days when a high school diploma could guarantee a stable job and lifelong career. Today's environment requires constant learning and multiple career changes. As women outperform men academically, and as females can adapt much better in career change - both emotionally as well as having long-term support structure, they are much better positioned to flourish in the new brain vs brawn economy. Added to it most females seek partners who are equally or more successful, leaving many men feeling overlooked in the dating landscape called Hypergamy. Hypergamy could be accommodated in earlier societies where most men did better than females. In future societies where females will be more successful than men this mindset of females, at least for the majority, also needs drastic change. 

In current society by the age of 30, females are earning 1K more than men, and already 2/3 of graduates are female. Thus many females are overlooking the majority of men. This has contributed to the rise of groups like Men Going Their Own Way and the incel community, where some men feel alienated from dating and societal structures, retreating instead into gaming and other screen addictions. Consequently, more than five million prime-age men, aged 18-55, are currently out of work and not seeking work. These men disengaged from social systems, relying on support systems like disability benefits many of them have addictions. Today in 1950s America - female participation in the labor force has increased from less than 20% to almost 70%. Men's participation has gone from 90% to 70%. See the Brooking Paper from Alan Kreuger from Princeton Study on it

Regarding resources on this issue:

• CBS Sunday Short Article: 
• Richard Reeves on Challenges Facing Boys

To help them:

Motivation:

•  Jordan Peterson:
• Scott Galloway Check section 23:18 for content that resonates with boys. [Link]

Psychological Support:

   Dr. K - Offers extensive one-on-one and group therapy for boys and their parents. He provides a wealth of videos and trained counselors as part of his community outreach and thiis one if for parents. [Link]